Susan May
Elaine Burroughs
Deborah Beckers
Anna Doll
Linsey Lanier
Sally Kilpatrick
Tammy Schubert
Darcy Crowder
Marilyn Baron
Tami Brothers
Sandra Elzie
Carol Burnside
Debbie Kaufman
Tamara DeStefano
Maxine DavisPut On Your Big Girl Panties…and Deal With It
My daughter hates writing. The poor child practically breaks out in hives at the thought of writing anything more detailed than a grocery list. This is something I can’t begin to comprehend. To me, writing is wonderful, euphoric, cathartic. To her, it’s something akin to having your fingernails pulled out with needlenose pliers and obviously, something we just can’t agree on.
This semester in college, she’s taking a public speaking class and must write her own speeches. I agonize for her, knowing how she despises the whole ordeal. It’s not just the writing, it’s getting up in front of a room full of people to give a convincing speech on the chosen topic.
The writing, dear old mom can help her with, the speaking part, I cannot.
Ever since I can remember, getting up in front of a staring, expectant, crowd of people has turned my brain as well as my legs into aspic. I have vivid memories of my first piano recital at age nine, where I couldn’t get past the opening strains of the Mozart piece I’d been practicing for months. I left the stage in shame.
In high school, I agreed to perform a duet with one of my fellow choir members. This time, he is the one who forgot the melody and the words to a popular John Denver ballad. But I was the one mortified. He just laughed the whole thing off while I burst into tears.
I’d rather go to the dentist for a weekly root canal than speak in public. So why, why did I volunteer to be an author liaison??? This position entails getting up in front of our writing group and giving a brief description of a published author’s latest book. I still can’t figure out why I volunteered to do this, except for the fact that my particular author is not just a wonderful writer who paints vivid word pictures, but she’s an extraordinarily wonderful person.
This past summer, when her latest book launched, I had to do my duty. I sat down and wrote my little speech on note cards, all highlighted and underlined. I thought I’d be fine. After all, this wasn’t a group of strangers. These people were my friends, my fellow writers.
But as I approached the lectern, all I could hear was my own heart thundering in my ears. The room seemed to shrink and the faces in the crowd seemed to grow to gigantic proportions as they pressed in upon me.
After a quick prayer that I get through my speech without fainting, vomiting or some other embarrassing physical phenomenon, I cleared my throat and read the first line aloud. My voice sounded unnaturally loud in my ears, but other than that, I don’t remember much of the speech except that my voice wobbled as much as an operatic tenor trying to hit a high C note. My table mates assured me I did fine and didn’t appear the least bit nervous.
My paranoia tells me they were merely being kind. But, because I’m told everything gets easier with repetition, I will persevere. Hopefully, I have a few more months before I have to give another performance.
Oh, and that pithy bit of urban wisdom about picturing your audience naked? Uh, no. Not something I want to think about.
So, what about you? What do you dread? If you’re a writer, does showing your work to others scare the bejeebers out of you? If you’re a reader, are there certain things you avoid, such as making phone calls to strangers, because they frighten you? Tell us about it.
About the author
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Cinthia Hamer | Novelist pursuing publication. Active PRO member of Romance Writers of America and Georgia Romance Writers. You can find me on Facebook listed as Cinthia Hamer.
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March 8th, 2010 at 6:25 am
Hey,
I did the author book reports a few years ago, too. Looking out over seventy to eighty faces in our group and trying to deliver the report is daunting. My legs and hands shake. Then I lose focus on my notes. All this despite the fact that everyone one of those ladies and gentleman are our friends. Unfortunately, despite all the reports I did, I never got over this fear.
I have heard your reports, and I cannot tell that you are so nervous. Your delivery is great. I hope it is getting easier for you now.
March 8th, 2010 at 6:56 am
Hey Cinthia! You did great! I was one of the others up there giving mine and I had no idea you were that nervous. Seriously.
I felt the exact same way. Public speaking is the thing that gives me nightmares. But I will say that those PAL reports and some of the other things I volunteered for over the years have been invaluable. Having that ability helped me get through one of the toughest job interviews I’ve ever had and I got the job. They said it was because of the confidence I projected. Without having done those, I don’t think I could have projected anything but…. well, you get the idea.
Keep it up girl. And tell your daughter I said good luck. It’s much tougher for me to speak in from of my fellow college classmates. Some of those people are still in their “laugh at the idiot” stages…grin…
Tami
March 8th, 2010 at 7:36 am
Good morning! Things are working out time-wise a little better this week. I can actually get up in the morning, have some tea and spend a little time here before jetting out the door. Yay!
Tami, looking at you and how you’re so poised when you get up and talk in front of GRW, I would never know you feel the same way about public speaking. Amazing. LOL! Well, now, we can look at each other and have our little secret between us
Tammy, I don’t think they’ll ever get easier. But if I can hide it well, then I’ll accept that. I’m seriouly envious of Jenna K and her ability to perform in front of a crowd–and even more awed by her ability to “wow” them.
My daughter told me last night that she did well on her speech. She hasn’t gotten the grade for it yet, but her instructor told her she’d be “pleased” with it. Now, let’s just keep toes crossed for microbiology.
March 8th, 2010 at 7:55 am
Cinthia,
I did a double take after reading this post. I wondered for a second, Did I write this and forget about publishing it. You described me to a T.
I HATE public speaking…despise it, loathe and revile it. I get unnaturally nervous, my chest breaks out in red blotches and my lungs constrict.
I’m a PAL too. But I know exactly why I chose to be a PAL. I wanted to get over this fear. I figured if I forced myself to get up there in fron of friends and talk about a book I really enjoyed reading, then maybe I would, someday, become an female oratory Obama of sorts. That day hasn’t come yet, but maybe with practice it will. So basically, public speaking is my nemesis. That and crumbs on the kitchen counter. Hate crumbs on the kitchen counter. Why the heck can’t my family just scoop them up after each meal?
Ummm…I digress.
Good luck to your daughter, and know, that next time you’re up there doing your PAL report, I’ll be in the crowd sending you a huge vote of confidence via air waves.
Great post!
Have a lovely day,
Tamara
March 8th, 2010 at 8:04 am
Tamara, I remember you telling me about the blotches, but you do great with your reports. Unless you knew, you’d never know. KWIM???
I’m laughing at the crumbs. The next time I’m at a kitchen store and I see one of those little crumb sweeper-uppers, I’ll get it for you. It’s kind of like a carpet sweeper, but for a table or counter. They work great.
Crumbs don’t bother me, but I think I inherited my mom’s aversion to sticky kitchen floors. That’s why I always wear socks or flip-flops in the kitchen. That, and you never know if you got ALL the slivers of glass up from the last broken glass or plate.
March 8th, 2010 at 8:28 am
Ditto for me on everything you wrote: Public Speaking is Public Enemy Number One for me. That’s why, since I can write, I write down everything I want to say and then read it (Hopefully in an animated way). Otherwise everything I want to say will go right out of my head. I do put a lot of thought into it.
I’m giving a PAL report this month for one of my favorite writers, Wendy Wax, and you will be listening to me READ IT. Sorry. But read it or not, it will be heartfelt.
Marilyn
March 8th, 2010 at 8:32 am
Gee, I see a trend here amongst us writers. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why we WRITE, we’re too scared to say it out loud.
Marilyn, I’m sure you’ll do fantastic. I’ll be sitting in the crowd sending soothing vibes your way. And lucky you. Wendy is a phenomenal writer. She’s come a long way from her first book and it was pretty darned good.
March 8th, 2010 at 9:40 am
Public speaking is the number one fear that people have, even above dying. I’m one of those few people that doesn’t mind public speaking. Maybe I’m an exbitionist, I don’t know. The important thing is to know your material. I’ve been standing in front of crowds speaking for over 18 years. It is like anything else if you practice it enough it becomes comfortable. Most people are glad to have anyone else do it but them so they don’t think much about it when you mess up. Remember you are amoung friends at the GRW meetings.
March 8th, 2010 at 10:23 am
Cinthia –
I was nodding in agreement the entire time I read your post. I remember standing in front of GRW the first time to do a PAL report (with notes and more practice than I had put into a business presentation in the past ) and later on I remember my first workshop at national…then my first welcome speech and last year when I gave my first keynote. I can’t tell you the butterflies in your stomach go away or that you won’t want to throw up, but like anything else – the more you do it, the better you feel about it.
I’d also like to tell you from the other side – as an author listening to PAL reports – I love hearing those every time I’m there. I feel a huge sense of pride for the generosity of our unpublished members to promote the authors and enjoy hearing about the work that is being published. I doubt many chapters have the “line” of PALs we have every time.
You PALs bring a sincerity and joy to the reports that is very special. This is the only time we hear someone give a verbal review or overview of our characters and plots, which is very different from reading about it. I’m always telling other chapters about how much we appreciate our PAL reporters. Many of those groups are now doing it as well. Kudos to all of you for setting a high standard to follow…and for standing up there in spite of being nervous.
March 8th, 2010 at 11:24 am
Oh, Cinthia, I sooo relate to your ordeals with public speaking. I have a fantasy of one day getting up and delivering a sterling workshop like Anna DeStefano or Haywood or Karen White. If only I could be as entertaining as Jenna! But alas, I’m all nerves in front of even a small crowd, probably more than you are. Seems like there are a lot of us.
For me, the answer is to stick to writing. That’s where I get to perform with out stagefright, LOL.
March 8th, 2010 at 7:49 pm
Cinthia,
I totally relate. I am much better if I have my speech in front of me. Sometimes I wonder why I even try to do things extemporaneously.
But I have no problem in front of a classroom of children or adults. That’s probably because I should know what I’m talking about.
Thanks for putting yourself out there…know that there are many more of us who feel the same way. Have a great week!
March 8th, 2010 at 8:59 pm
Cinthia–I agree with you about not understanding some folks’ aversion to writing. I’ve always found it cathartic–even taking notes in college.
As for public speaking, I got over that fear in high school drama somehow. Oh, and I agree with Susan that the key is to be prepared.
As for me, I fear rejection. I fear rejection to the point I rewrite and polish to get out of submitting–hence the rejection collection. Aside for writing, I fear snakes–and my imagination sometimes leads me to believe one may have slipped into the house making me afraid to step on floors at night. I’ll take sticky floors over a fear of cottonmouths any day.
March 8th, 2010 at 9:38 pm
Thank you, everyone for all your thoughtful–and thought provoking responses. Sorry I had to run out the door this morning. Work. What can I say?
Sally, I’m sorry, but I had to chuckle at your snake fear. I have a friend who is so afraid of snakes, she actually stapled the snake section of her hardbound encyclopedia shut so she wouldn’t accidentally open it. And nobody is allowed to say the “s word” in front of her…we have to refer to them as “legless lizards”.
Dianna, I’ve often wondered why other chapters don’t have a PAL program like ours. I know that if I ever move away and my new chapter doesn’t have one…they will before long!:)
March 10th, 2010 at 2:18 pm
Cinthia -
Looks like everyone here knows exactly how you feel about public speaking. That’s something to keep reminding yourself the next time you get up there – everyone knows how difficult it is and they aren’t judging you, they are rooting for you.
Good luck to your daughter. I took a writing class once where the teacher suggested that aspiring authors join the Toastmasters – a group that writes and presents speeches – in order to learn how to master the fear of public speaking. I haven’t tried it myself yet, but I can certainly see the merits.