Susan May
Elaine Burroughs
Deborah Beckers
Anna Doll
Linsey Lanier
Sally Kilpatrick
Tammy Schubert
Darcy Crowder
Marilyn Baron
Sandra Elzie
Carol Burnside
Debbie Kaufman
Tamara DeStefano
Maxine DavisSecrets, Lies, and Murder. Oh, my!
Secrets
I’ve been told by those who read my blog posts or who happen by my Web site that it LOOKS like I’m making great progress. But looks can be deceiving.
The reality is that I haven’t written anything substantial in two years. Two! Freaking! Years!
Yes, there is the chapter I contributed to Aspen Expose’ (and the chapter I just turned in for the sequel), my short story for the October Treasure Hunt, and finally the articles I’ve written for GRW’s Galley and RWA’s PROspects publications. Aside from that? Nothing. Zip. Nada.
Lies
Recently one of my GRW chapter mates asked why I hadn’t made it to publication yet. I mumbled something about a couple of WIPs I was working on and about getting around to submitting something, then immediately felt guilty because I wasn’t being truthful. What I should have said was I that was mourning the death of my muse.
Murder
You see, two years ago I made a commitment to go back to college and quickly discovered nothing can kill a muse faster than studying for tests or writing papers on subject matter completely opposite of what I write for pleasure. Essentially, my decision to grow my non-writing career (you know, the one that actually pays the bills) resulted in the death of the momentum I had established in my writing life. Not only was I at a complete standstill in everything I was working on, but I had also lost my desire to keep working at it.
Oh, My!
Depressing, huh? That’s exactly how I felt until I finally accepted the fact that I couldn’t force myself into wanting it. I had to swallow my pride and fear, and then recognize these feelings were totally out of my hands. I had to admit to myself I just couldn’t do both at the same time (along with work, family, and everyday life obstacles).
Once I finally accepted this, I realized I was fine with my forced break from creating my fictional worlds. For the first time in two long years, I felt a sense of relief.
Finding my way home!
As hard as it was to do (and still is – similar to an AA approach), this decision gave me a chance to breath. I discovered it was okay to not want to write and it’s okay to hate everything about the process. I also learned I had to accept these feelings before I was able move forward.
As I near the end of “the yellow brick road” (I graduate in May and will receive the coveted position I’ve been working towards), I’m beginning to feel a stirring of the old writing bug. Ideas are starting to fight their way to make room amongst the college facts I’m cramming into my head.
With those stirrings has also come my relief at not throwing in the towel way back when I first realized my brain was fried. I’m thankful that instead of quitting, I had the forethought to put more of my focus into taking writing classes and attending workshops. I’m thankful I joined forces with this wonderful group of writers and put some time into my Web presence.
Most of all, I’m thrilled I kept my fingers skimming the fast paced and ever changing writing world. Because of all this extra work, my re-entry should be a lot easier than it could have been.
In Conclusion
This is my writing tip. Don’t beat yourself up if/when there comes a time when it all seems useless. Do what you have to do to keep yourself sane and just maybe you won’t end up hating something that once brought you pleasure.
A Taste of my Recent “Stirrings”
Ruby Red Stilettos is a Blaze type story combining the Wizard of Oz theme with Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol.
I’m also taking a step back in time with a YA story, Re-Do, where my adult heroine gets a chance to relive the worst day of her teenage life knowing what the original outcome of that day resulted in.
One last point to make. I’m expecting the road back to be slow and bumpy, but at least it’s there! 
Tags: craft, Tami Brothers
About the author
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Tami Brothers | http://www.tamibrothers.com I’ve always wanted to live a fun, sexy and exciting life. But when my clumsiness left me with an aversion to high heels, my fear of wardrobe malfunctions cut out those plunging necklines, and my skydiving instructor politely suggested I take up golf; I decided the only way to keep from breaking my neck would be to write about such a life.
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March 9th, 2010 at 6:39 am
Tami – Kudos in figuring out how to put your priorities in line and in sticking to your commitments. You said, “That’s exactly how I felt until I finally accepted the fact that I couldn’t force myself into wanting it.”
I wish more people would realize that trying to “make yourself want it” enough to give up everything else to accomplish a goal is unrealistic. Your heart knows what is important “at that moment” to you. It’s wise to realize when you just can’t do both of two important “somethings” at one time and you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it. Being creative is hard under the best situations. I think allowing yourself to get one time-and-brain-draining commitment out of the way first so you could a) do a great job in school allows you to b) feel ready to attack your writing when the time is right.
Way to go!
March 9th, 2010 at 7:49 am
Tami,
How can you say you aren’t doing anything creative? Your work leading the blog is what has kept us all together. That’s quite an achievement. And going back to school? You are very productive and eventually all this hard work will pay off and allow you to reach your goal.
I know you’ll get there.
Marilyn
March 9th, 2010 at 8:40 am
Tami,
I’m right there with you. School has definitely put a damper on my writing as well. Like you, I’m graduating in May and plan to reclaim my writing life.
Once graduation is behind us, we need to do something to celebrate the end of that chapter in our lives and the new one we are about to write.
Congratulations on your academic and professional success.
You gave some sound advice today. I only wish I heard it sooner. I hope other writers out there take what you said to heart, so they can stop beating themselves up when other things take a priority over writing.
Great post!
March 9th, 2010 at 8:42 am
Tami, Brava, for not only acknowledging these things to yourself, but to admit them to the world.
A creative person is and always will be a creative person. Even though our particular passion is writing fiction, sometimes Real Life dictates that we pause for a moment. That doesn’t mean we can’t still be creative in some fashion.
Life has been pretty crazy for me the last few years, too, and I haven’t always had it in me to write. But no matter what’s going on, I can pull out my knitting or sit down at the spinning wheel for half an hour and scratch the creative itch. Even cooking meals for your family can be creative.
The “In Progress” stories sound awesome from the blurbs. Keeping toes crossed for you!
March 9th, 2010 at 9:50 am
Tami,
I am so glad you finally feel relief. For a while I worried that you were under a lot of stress and just would not accept that everything cannot be completed at once. You are getting it done in order! There will certainly be a celebration when you graduate – the rest will all fall into place!
March 9th, 2010 at 9:58 am
Hi Dianna! Thanks so much for stopping by. AND thank you for your encouragement. I’ve spent a great deal of time kicking and beating myself up because I feel like “it” was within my grasp. BUT life has a way of throwing a monkey wrench into things and you kind of have to go with the flow. I could play a lot of “what if” games, but the reality is that I had no way of predicting my job in the textile world would not be there forever or that I was going to need to retrain myself in another field.
If there is one thing I’ve learned in all of this it is that life happens and I can stress about it all I want; but it’s still going to happen the way it was meant to…grin…
Tami
March 9th, 2010 at 10:01 am
Thank you, Marilyn! This blog has been one of the tethering points that have kept me grounded in the writing world. I LOVE this blog and can’t say enough about how much I’ve learned from each of you ladies. I can’t imagine not having this link right now. I think I would go mad from the isolation…
Tami
March 9th, 2010 at 10:06 am
A very inspiring post. Thanks for sharing all these things. You give me hope.
March 9th, 2010 at 10:10 am
Hey Tammy! You have it a bit rougher than me, though (you and Sally). Not only the stress of school but that thesis. I’m not looking forward to that (not planning my Masters until I’ve taken some time off to reconnect with my family – then I’ll start stressing about a thesis. Might have to get some pointers from you ladies!).
We will definitely have to do something to celebrate!!!
I agree about wishing I had heard and accepted this sooner. I think the last two years might have been a bit more pleasant…grin….
Tami
March 9th, 2010 at 10:15 am
Thank you Cinthia! I love your comment about pulling out your knitting or sitting down at your spinning wheel. After working in the textile world, it’s refreshing to hear that people still work with yarn (and on a spinning wheel – we had huge spinning and winding machines but there were pictures of the old time ones all over the mill).
Thanks for the comment on the “In Progress” stories. I’ve got a few chapters of each written and am working on Dianna Love and Mary Buckham’s Break Into Fiction book and templates for both. I figure by keeping both in my thoughts it will help when I finally have a free moment to dive back in.
Tami
March 9th, 2010 at 10:23 am
Hey Maxine!!! You know me all too well!!! You also know that I’ll still stress (just my nature), but I’m doing better at it and I’ve started gearing down (should have done it sooner….hehehe….). I appreciate everything you’ve done for me and I’m glad you’ve been right there the whole way!
Thank you!
Tami
March 9th, 2010 at 10:29 am
Hi Carol! Thanks a ton for stopping by and commenting. I really do hope that what I’ve said helps. It’s tough to admit and own up to sometimes (for me anyway). Instead, we tend to make ourselves feel like we are lacking because we can’t keep up the pace. Sometimes it takes something major to open our eyes. I pray that is not the case for anyone and that by “outing myself,” someone else is spared a bit of the frustration that is inevitable in similar situations (can I be more vague here…grin….).
Thank you!!! And please keep coming by the blog!!!!
Tami
March 9th, 2010 at 10:57 am
Great words of wisdom, Tami. I know you’re right. Whether we have big commitments in our lives or not, we all need some downtime. Enthusiasm for even something we love can wane if there’s too much stress and pressure. Don’t worry, your muse will come back loud and strong after the vacation you’ve given her. Hugs.
Here’s to May!
March 9th, 2010 at 12:41 pm
Tami,
A while back I drew a picture of you. I didn’t pull that rendering out of my ear…I drew it from the image I have of you deep in my heart.
You are a super woman, able to jump tall class loads in a single bound, dodge every day stress, and do what many of us only dream of doing on a regular basis. You, in short, are my hero.
I applaud your ability to get things done, organize like a champion, better yourself in every way and still realize what you should be concentrating on and what should be shelved (for the moment)
Many of us end up stressing out, looking at ourselves as failures, because we can’t quite admit that it’s okay to take a break, sit back, breathe.
I’m so proud of your many, many accomplishments. I’m so lucky to be able to call you friend. You’re an inspiration to us all, and I know that after you’ve jumped this mountainous hurtle, writing the novel of your dreams will be about as easy as bending steel.
You’re a true Super Woman.
Good luck in May.
Luv to you,
Tamara
March 9th, 2010 at 1:23 pm
Tami, congratulations on your upcoming graduation! Life is always a juggling act, and there are only so many balls any one of us can keep in the air. As the cliché goes, “life happens,” and then we have to adapt. You’ve been a mainstay at GRW in addition to everything else you’ve done. It’s no wonder something had to give.
I think it’s great that you’ve accomplished so much and have kept your hand in the writing even though it isn’t as much as you’d like to have done. The beauty of ideas is that they don’t wither. You can always come back to them.
Best of luck with the projects you’re diving back into!
March 9th, 2010 at 1:55 pm
Tami,
Great post. I’ve had similar feelings as I’ve worked to finish my Masters. Fortunately, a Masters in writing forces you to write and to continually improve. Unfortunately, you often have to write on something you don’t want to in order to finish the class or get the grade.
You’re absolutely right about not forcing yourself to want it and not beating yourself up because you take time to do something for yourself (degree) or something for your family. Hey, they’re only young once!
Kudos on your impending graduation, and, as I told Tammy, let’s all celebrate when it’s done!
March 9th, 2010 at 4:30 pm
Tami,
I’m amazed by what all you get done. You can only do so much at certain times in your life. We have to know when to let somethings go for awhile so that we’ll come back to them even better than we were before. Education is important. I’m proud of you getting your degree. It will benefit you in your writing and your life. Way to go.
March 9th, 2010 at 6:42 pm
Hey Linsey! Thanks for the vote of confidence. We always wonder, but time is usually the key and already I’m getting more and more excited about my WIPs. I just need to hold out a few more weeks…grin…
March 9th, 2010 at 6:51 pm
Hi Tamara! I have to tell you that I look at that picture every day. My husband hung it on the wall next to my desk. It is the first thing I see when I walk into (or through) my office and the last thing I see as I start shutting things down for the night. You honor me.
I think you are the hero, Tamara. You have been through things that I can only hope I never have to deal with and you came out the other end with the beauty and grace we all love about you. And you do it in such a quiet way that no one knows (unless a loud mouth like me tells them…wink…).
I have to admit that I usually let myself get right there to the breaking point before I cry Uncle. I need to take my own advice more often and not try to do everything that looks like it would be cool. I am learning to sit on my hands (hear me Michelle!!!) when someone asks for volunteers, but I sometimes slip up and forget (Maxine, I know you are grinning over there!!!).
Thank you so much for the vote of confidence. You really know how to make me feel like I’m doing the right thing.
Love ya, too!!!
Tami
March 9th, 2010 at 6:57 pm
Hey Nancy! Great to see you over here!!!
I love your line; “As the cliché goes, “life happens,” and then we have to adapt.”
I think I’ll copy that and put it next to my computer. I’m so glad you are able to make it down to the meetings as often as you do. I know your drive is much longer than mine and that is one of the things that keeps me coming back month after month. GRW is such a wonderful organization and it is members like you that remind me how important it is to be a part of this synergy.
March 9th, 2010 at 7:02 pm
Hi Sally! I knew you’d know what I was talking about with the school thing. Thankfully, I don’t have the younger kids like you do. It’s fairly easy to turn my son loose with his activities and not feel too guilty. But like you said, they are only young once. We took this weekend off and spent a day at Wild Adventures theme park. That was a hoot and something that was greatly needed for us to reconnect. It was tiresome, but gave us a look at the future we have been working towards the past several years.
I totally agree we will need to celebrate when this is over. I’m all for a party!!!
Tami
March 9th, 2010 at 7:07 pm
Hey Susan! Now you, my lady, are super woman! Even though I can’t comment because of my Google Reader, I read your blog every day. I marvel at everything you have going on and how you keep doing it all. When I read Nick’s New Heart, I remember you talking about bringing your sewing machine to the hospital and sewing your kids Halloween costumes. I did sew my son’s when he was younger, but I’ve found it’s a lot better for my sanity if we just visit a Halloween store.
On your blog last week, I read where you were sewing someone’s wedding dress. Talk about amazing. Keep up the great work!
Tami
March 9th, 2010 at 10:24 pm
Hey, Tami,
I would have never guessed you haven’t written in two years…no way! But I’m glad you’re back in the saddle, so to speak. I would have been here earlier, but I had to finish a paper for my master’s degree…and I know exactly what you’re feeling!
Have a great week!
Ana
March 10th, 2010 at 5:46 am
Another college person!!! I forgot that Ana (although I would have remembered next time I typed up an e-mail to you…grin…).
Keep at it and we will all be celebrating. You guys are great and are definitely ladies I strive to be. I’ll be hitting you all up for pointers when I start mine.
Thanks for stopping by, Ana! Now get back to writing!!!!!
Tami
March 10th, 2010 at 1:47 pm
My hats off to all of you PFHT sisters who are striving for higher education while dealing with family, children, jobs and writing…not to mention the volunteer work that I’ve witness from all of you. Like the adage goes – if you want something done, ask a busy person.
I’m blessed to be in such company.
March 12th, 2010 at 1:21 pm
Never get in the fast lane (unless you are driving through downtown Atlanta and all lanes are the fast lane). The slow and bumpy road is the way to go. And yeah… I totally count blogging as writing.
March 12th, 2010 at 8:24 pm
Tami,
I understand part of this, too. I’ve started a new job which has a lot of my focus and I also am swamped the minute I get home. (I occassionally get notes from a CP asking how my WIP is going, but then I realize it’s taking me longer to put things together then it used to take me.
Congrats on your upcoming graduation.
March 17th, 2010 at 12:52 pm
Tami, you’re amazing with everything you get done. Don’t let anyone tell you different. Just keep on keepin-on girlfriend!