Linsey Lanier
Sally Kilpatrick
Sia Huff
Romily Bernard
Darcy Crowder
Marilyn Baron
Tami Brothers
Sandra Elzie
Carol Burnside
Debbie Kaufman
Maxine Davis
Tammy Schubert
Susan Carlisle
Pam Asberry
Lindy Chaffin StartHow To Make Love
by Nicki Salcedo
I’m sure your mother told you it’s impolite to talk about the politics, religion, and sex. Lucky for you, I’m here to make mom mad today.
Politics. I have a surprising number of friends who are my political opposite. I think I need to wear more shirts that say “Anarchy” or “Make Love Not War.” The truth is I like to surround myself with lots of different types of people and in my life sometimes different means opposite. Sports fans get together for the love of the sport even if they are cheering on different teams. We should take that spirit into politics. I wish more people talked about politics. We should be like sports fans.
Religion. I have a friend who is spending every week this year visiting a different place of worship whether or not the place of worship reflects her religious tradition. Isn’t that fabulous? Are you afraid that experiencing another religion will draw you away from you current beliefs. What if it reinforces your believes? What if it allows you to be educated? What if it allows you to have a healthy respect for another person’s spiritual practice? I know. Crazy. Are religions screwed up? People screw up religion. Humans are awesome at take sound ideas and turning them into sausage. Conclusion: Religion is about closing your eyes and knowing the world is still there, flawed and perfect. Religion is the best of a mystery, fantasy, and spy novel wrapped into one and turned into a self-help book. If you don’t have a religion, you should try one!
Sex. Let’s talk about it. Your mother was right: Do not talk about sex. It’s like the first and second rules of Fight Club. My doctor keeps explaining this “theory”about where babies come from. I’m pretty sure my doctor is wrong. I don’t want to talk or hear about sex.
Politics and religion are communal and worthy of discussion, but sex is not communal (Please don’t give me examples to the contrary. I know about them.). Sex is private, and there are the reasons we don’t talk about sex. At its worst, sex can be angry, hurtful, an act of dominance or desperation, a plea, or a false sense of connection. At its best, it is a mutual pleasure, a comedy, or a thanksgiving. We don’t talk about sex because the word is load with too many conflicting connotations.
But then again, maybe we should talk about sex. When I look at magazine articles describing 25 ways to do it, they don’t tell you that:
- Sex is how you make babies (if you believe that).
- There are really only 4 ways to do it and the rest are just flourishes.
- What you are really looking for is not better sex, but better love.
How to make love? You don’t want advice from me. I’ll tell you to sleep in separate twin beds like Lucy and Desi did. They were still able to make a baby! Sex is 1 hour a day, and love is 23 hours of the day. You need the recipe for Love? I made this for a friend just before she got married, but you can make it G-Rated for your children and friends who may also need your love. Sometimes it comes in handy to have a recipe when you’ve forgotten how to do it.
Recipe for Love by Nicki Salcedo
Please do not make Love in the bedroom. You should only make Love in the kitchen as with all other recipes.
Ingredients:
1 Quick kiss goodbye in the morning
1 “Have a good day, [insert term of endearment]“
1-2 Conversations, emails, messages that end with “I love you” during the day
1 “I’m happy to see you” at the end of the day
1 “Tell me about your day”
1 Playful touch during dinner that has nothing to do with sex
1 X-rated kiss before bed that has everything to do with sex (even if you are too tired or have too much work to do to even think about having sex)
Directions:
To make Love add more of each ingredient as needed. Learn to appreciate the sunshine and rain. Laugh at yourselves. Try to make Love as often as possible. No need to cool. Love should be (and is often best when) served hot! Make Love everyday. Yield two servings.
I heard Anne Lamott speak this week, and she will get you thinking! You willing to talk to me about politics, religion, or sex? Fire away!
Tags: humor, Nicki Salcedo, recipes, writing, writing sex scenes
About the author
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Nicki Salcedo | http://www.8headedhydra.com Nicki Salcedo is a hot tamale. She isn’t curious, but the world is and this is why she writes. She is someone’s friend, daughter, sister, aunt, mother, and wife. She writes upmarket fiction that focuses about how you become one of the nouns on that previous list. The short answer is with some laughter, some fits of rage, and some moments of pause. She prefers laughter in real life, but her writing is all about the moments of pause. Nicki received the Maggie Award of Excellence in the Unpublished Single Title Category for her manuscript, Pine.
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April 12th, 2010 at 1:23 am
Oh, what a fun post!
Politics: I wish people would stop sending me politician bashing e-mails that are ignorant at best and don’t reflect my views in the least. What makes them think I must agree with them because I’m related to them or simply because we’re friends?
Religion: I went to a church-affiliated college and one of my assignments was to visit several religious services not of my faith and write about my experiences. That was interesting and broadened my world.
Sex: At it’s best, it’s the physical expression of romantic love. Go to an adult toy party and you’ll hear more sex talk than you care to hear…ever!
Love your recipe for love, Nicki.
April 12th, 2010 at 6:22 am
My experience has been that politics seems to divide people faster than religion. For some people, certain political beliefs are held more tightly than their views on God. I made a joke, or so I thought, at the pool the other morning right after the weather had another schizophrenic turn to the cold side. “So where’s global warming when you need it?” Considering the morning’s temp and the 78degree water, I thought it was funny.
GUESS AGAIN! Jeez. Apparently global warming is not a topic for humor.
Regigion: I studied many beliefs in depth and encouraged my children to as well. I think it is important to know what you believe at the core, and if you don’t know what others believe, you might not really understand your own tenets. My only problem in this area? Well, it seems that a lot of times it is acceptable to be almost anything besides a Christian. Because of bad experiences, misconceptions, or whatever, the minute that faith comes out of the mouth with anything that resembles conviction, the speaker is often seen as narrow-minded or simplistic. Let’s face it. In our culture, other beliefs are considered cooler.
And sex? Well, let’s just say I may not be invited back to another church marriage retreat. You see, there was this plan of introduction where all the couples introduced themselves and said one thing they really appreciated about their spouse. My answer went down in church history
April 12th, 2010 at 6:54 am
Great post!
A long time ago, I had a friend who could not discuss religion or politics without getting emotional. Since her in-laws were an equally passionate bunch, it made for some interesting visits. Because she fell so far on one side of the line, her father-in-law would say things just to get her going, and she took the bait every single time. This was even after we explained to her that he was setting her up. She felt it was her civic and Christian responsibility to correct him on all points. Her mother-in-law eventually put a rule in place. “No political or religious discussions in the house. Take it out on the porch.”
April 12th, 2010 at 7:35 am
Wonderful post, Nicki. I’ve been thinking a lot about the overlap in politics and religion–that’s why I think people get so passionate about one side or the other. That said, if we could have a civil discussion about it, I think people would be surprised to discover how close in agreement we all are.
Oh, and sex enters into the picture, too. I think we should talk about sex, and we should talk about it at a young age because, obviously, there are several young folks running around who have no idea what “sex” or “making love” are all about. Trust me, some of them were in my classes.
The greatest problem is that none of these three issues can be boiled down to black and white. As my Western Civ teacher used to say, we actually all live in a “complex middle ground,” smack dab in the middle of a thousand shades of gray. When you’re children ask where babies come from, you don’t have to drag out diagrams. You also don’t have to make up a story about a stork–give them the info they need and nothing more. If you answer their questions, they’ll keep asking and you can embellish as appropriate. Similarly, I like the idea of visiting other churches–it always strengthens my own faith as I compare and contrast.
As for politics, I have to learn to keep my mouth shut there. One innocent-needed-a-brain-filter moment at the lunch table, and I had half the department not speaking to me for a month. (And I was actually right!) Politics is the one I’ll have to take to the porch.
That said, all of my best novels delve right into religion, politics, and sex. Hey, it’s the stuff life’s made of.
April 12th, 2010 at 7:37 am
And that should be “your” children. No coffee yet, a situation that will be rectified sooner rather than later.
April 12th, 2010 at 8:43 am
Nicki,
Great post. Politics I’m interested in. Political science major. I’d love to discuss them sometime. When my kids and I were in Europe I made a point to visit other church services. It is always enlighting. At St. Paul’s in London my daughter looked up and said,”This isn’t like home, is it?”
Sex in the kitchen is all about my husband. He is better at it than me. I plan to work at it. I must be about the bedroom. Four kids in five years. Found out what cause it and had to move to the kitchen.
April 12th, 2010 at 8:56 am
I read a really interesting supposition the other day comparing Confederates to Jihadists. Not that I agree, but it was an interesting take on extremism and political passion. Could I have discussed this with anyone? Probably not. I can’t even speak with my own mother because she tends to parrot the responses espoused by radio show hosts without ever researching the matter for herself. And I’m with you, Carol, I hate getting emails that assume I have a particular political slant. I was very lucky to have a legendary high school teacher who taught civics – but mostly taught us to think for ourselves.
Nicki – I totally think your recipe for making love needs to go into the Petit Fours cookbook!!! Sweet and funny all at once!
April 12th, 2010 at 8:57 am
Amazing! Loved it!
Your post dazzles me.
I’m not big on politics. I should know more, listen more and react more when it comes to politics.
After reading your post, talking politics is my newest 2010 goal.
Religion…I’m not closed minded at all. I’m catholic, but I’ve been to Protistant churches, Methodist and even non-denomination. I think everyone should have and enjoy the right to worship in any way they want. I just don’t like the hypocracy that often comes with religion. God loves everyone, black/white, Gay/straight, angel/devil. His love knows no limits, no boundaries, no prejudice.
And sex?
I shouldn’t say this in a blog, with the world reading, but I love sex…with my husband.
He’s really good at it. (Sorry love, I have to brag on you)
Really…really, really good at it.
So I’m a big advocate for sex and your recipe, Nicki, your recipe was THE BEST!!!
Everyone should bake that one up, at least once daily.
You inspire me as always.
Have a fabulous, sunny, productive morning!
Tamara
April 12th, 2010 at 9:03 am
What a great Monday morning post,Nicki. You do have an interesting way with words. I agree on surrounding yourself with different people. If we all had the same opinion – boring.
On religion, I remember a dear friend, an older woman who was like a surrogate mother to me years after I’d been living alone. She had three sons who married women who were a Lutheran, Jehovah Witness and free spirited one who believed in earth/peace/love. This matriarch of the family was Baptist. She would go to all the churches (some of the couples changed faiths) and study them to have an appreciation and understanding of each couple’s belief. I remember one time at a family meal (that I was fortunate to be involved in) one of the women started a debate on the “right” faith (and it was not the one you might jump to a quick conclusion on). My friend shut it down and straightened out that DIL on tolerance of all faiths. She expected respect for all individuals. She was a great lady who loved her sons and her daughter-in-laws with equal measure.
I love your recipe for love and second your sentiments. Too many people confuse love and sex, marry for the latter and never get the real experience.
April 12th, 2010 at 9:39 am
Good morning, Everyone! Whoo-Hoo! Home for the day. Even if I can’t breathe, I can still type.
Nicki, loved your post. I think there are times when we’re just too doggoned politically correct for our own good. We need to stir the puddin’ once in a while, no?
I generally avoid talking politics because after I’ve generously allowed someone to give me their opinion, before I’ve gotten two sentences out of my mouth, they’re bashing ME and MY opinion. Not fair, not nice and I just don’t go there anymore.
Religion: I was raised in a very conservative Protestant religion. It has wonderful values and some really stupid ones as well. The friend of my heart was born into this religion and converted to Buddhism. It doesn’t matter two hoots to me. What matters is spirituality. You can be a devoted Whatever and if you’re not a loving spiritual person, you’re nothing. The Golden Rule applies to everyone, everywhere.
Sex: Face it, without it, we romance writers would be out of a job. Even the Inspy writers need sexual tension in their romances or the story falls flat. The attraction is sexual, whether that attraction is admitted to or acted upon or not.
And I totally agree with Dianna that too many confuse sex and love.
Love is holding her head when she’s heaving up her guts in early pregnancy. Love is thinking your guy is sexy even when he’s as wrinkled as a shar-pei and bald as an egg. If it were only about sex, there’d be a whole lot less of it, that’s for sure. LOL!
April 12th, 2010 at 9:45 am
Nicki, great post. Loved your recipe for love, which you’ve shared with me before. It should go into the Petit Fours cookbook.
Politics? Don’t get me started. You would not want to get into a discussion about politics with me. We’re not allowed to talk about politics in my family because, according to them, I’m on the wrong side of the discussion.
But I love discussing politics.
Religion. Although I’m very happy and secure in my own religion, I’m very tolerant of other religions and love to hear about them. I studied religion in college (not as a major but as electives) and my kids have experienced other religions, going to church with their friends, celebrating other holidays, etc.
Sex? Never discussed it with my mother and I don’t think my kids want to discuss it with me except in vague, broad references.
Next time, why don’t you try to pick a more controversial topic, Nicki!
Marilyn
April 12th, 2010 at 10:42 am
Hehehe. This was a good one, Nicki. I think you got a lot of us going this morning.
I’m always open to hearing what other people have to say but I’ve been known to hold back if I don’t have all the facts on something. This has definitely left me on the sidelines of a bunch of interesting conversations. Which, funny thing is, has also allowed me to be privy to actually reading those who are in the discussion. You can definitely tell the people who are passionate about a topic and the ones who are arguing just to argue. Truly enlightening.
Thanks for making us think today.
Tami
Ps – I agree about needing to add this recipe to the PF&HT cookbook!
April 12th, 2010 at 12:28 pm
Politics: I think we’d be a lot better off with fewer politicians.
Religion: I think there are good people everywhere, no matter what their particular faith.
Sex: Only 4 ways? No wonder those sex scenes get harder and harder to write.
Love: Great advice, Nicki. That’s not an easy recipe, but it pays off if you keep it up.
April 12th, 2010 at 1:02 pm
My niece is getting married in 2 weeks and I’m including your recipe in her wedding card. Thanks!
April 12th, 2010 at 1:38 pm
There is plenty of room for discussion about politics and religion, as long as it’s civil and respectful. My husband and I are on completely opposite sides of the political spectrum, but we get along great. We agree to disagree, end of story.
As for religion, I’m 100% in agreement with you, Nicki. I just wish there was more tolerance. Here in the South, it’s hard not being a Christian, and even worse on kids who aren’t Christians. As an adult, I can see past ignorance and closed-mindedness about religion. But my heart breaks for my eight year-old son who’s been bullied at school for being an atheist and told he’s going to hell. Somehow I don’t think Jesus would approve of those kinds of hateful threats. I think it’s sad that I have to tell my son, “Sometimes, it’s better if you just keep your mouth shut.” What kind of message does that send? Where does one draw the line? Lie down and take it, or stand up and fight? I don’t like either of those options.
I want my kids to be able to stand up for their own beliefs but also be considerate and respectful of everyone else’s beliefs. Religion shouldn’t be a tug-of-war. It should be more like a pot-luck dinner with friends.
Sorry for that tangent. Your discussion just hit a little close to home. I’m okay now.
As for the last part, my philosophy is this: *Always* end your conversations, texts, and emails with loved ones with the three words that never get old: “I love you.” You never know when it will be your last chance to say it.
Thanks for your insightful and fun commentary, Nicki.
April 12th, 2010 at 2:23 pm
Great post, Nicki. Maybe people should talk about politics and religion during sex!!!
April 12th, 2010 at 3:48 pm
Hi Nicki,
Interesting post. I daresay that too many people (maybe I’m aiming this more at your younger generation) use the word Sex and Love in the same sentence to describe the same instance. To me, there’s a big difference.
As to politics and religion, I have very strong convictions. I can visit churches and not be swayed if they don’t believe as I do, so no problem there. I just think it’s wrong if a person tries to shove their religious political views on those around them. I believe in ‘Each to their own’.
I’m sure your post got folks to thinking. (g) Good job!
Sandy
April 12th, 2010 at 5:07 pm
Number 1, I love you and this post, Nicki!
Secondly, where was Anne Lamott? I adore her.
Third:
I just love talking about all three. I do. Plus, I don’t follow “you shouldn’t” rules very well. I only censor myself, however, when it comes to the person to whom I’m speaking.
For instance, I can stay up late late late talking religion with my folks, but can only take 5 minutes of a political conversation. And I never talk about sex with them. Blech.
April 12th, 2010 at 5:08 pm
Number 1, I love you and this post, Nicki!
Secondly, where was Anne Lamott? I adore her.
Third:
I just love talking about all three. I do. Plus, I don’t follow “you shouldn’t” rules very well. I only censor myself, however, when it comes to the person to whom I’m speaking.
For instance, I can stay up late late late talking religion with my folks, but can only take 5 minutes of a political conversation. And I never talk about sex with them. Bleh.
April 12th, 2010 at 5:08 pm
Great post, Nicki!
I’m a big believer in letting people know where I stand when it comes to politics, religion or sex. Most of my friends and family do not think like me, but guess what? I don’t care. I haven’t lost a good friend over our differences, because I am respectful of them as long as they are respectful of me.
Tolerance. Dialogue. Differences.
That’s what makes the world go round!
Oh, and good sex.
Ana
April 12th, 2010 at 6:45 pm
Carol, political emails crack me up. I delete them without comment even if I completely agree! I love that you had to experience different religions as homework. Still too squeamish for an adult toy party, but I’m sure I’ll go one day…kicking and not quite screaming
April 12th, 2010 at 6:48 pm
Loved your recipe. I plan to include it in my daily list of ‘must do” items. And you’re right, most people shy away from talking about politics, religion, and sex, but I think that if we talked more every person would gain a better understanding and appreciation about what makes us different. Because after all it’s the differences that makes human beings unique and wonderful.
April 12th, 2010 at 6:49 pm
Oh, Debbie. How I love you and wish I was there at that church retreat. You have been fruitful, no shame in that.
I appreciate your comments on humor. We should look at politics and even religion with humor. As for global warming and dinosaurs, sometimes I wonder why certain topics are political debates at all. Don’t lose your humor!
April 12th, 2010 at 6:53 pm
Tammy, the porch is a great place for discussion. It is another community focal point. I have a friend at church who is my demographic and political opposite, but our discussion always end cheerfully. I can still say I like and respect him. Other people politically and religiously fight mean. I stay away from those people. They have cooties.
April 12th, 2010 at 6:57 pm
Sally, come join Tammy and I on the porch. The GRAY porch with no primary colors. You are right about sex and love. Love is fully clothed and sex is naked…but naked is also funny.
April 12th, 2010 at 7:00 pm
Susan, nice reflections on your time away from home and your kids reactions, but I don’t know how to stop laughing. “Four kids in five years. Found out what cause it and had to move to the kitchen.” I think sneezing causes it.
April 12th, 2010 at 7:05 pm
“Confederates to Jihadists: interesting take on extremism and political passion.” Fascinating. They were doing that Confederate reenactment at Stn Mtn this weekend and I really try to be cool about it, but inside I’m totally afraid that they want to lynch me. I keep a good poker face around my monsters. We should be curious and respectful about history, too. Thanks for the nice words about my recipe. I’ve got to start cooking it up tonight!
April 12th, 2010 at 7:08 pm
Tamara, I wish I was Catholic. It is so beautiful. I follow Lent for no good reason except there is something in every religion that is worth trying to calm the spirit and purify the soul. I’m glad that you outed yourself on the sex topic. Why are we afraid to talk about it (not in a gratuitous way, but in a healthy way). I know about your sexy shoes. Your husband is a lucky man.
April 12th, 2010 at 7:11 pm
Dianna, tolerance in all faiths. I think that was sort of the founding principle of our country! Why is it a novel idea? I love being around different kinds of people. Can’t wait to hear you on Saturday! http://www.georgiaromancewriters.org/programs/2010-programs/one-day-writers-workshop/
April 12th, 2010 at 7:13 pm
Cinthia, “You can be a devoted Whatever and if you’re not a loving spiritual person, you’re nothing.” Got chills twice reading this. We know it but you said it beautifully. When people try to get you to argue with them, remind them about importance of donating blood!
April 12th, 2010 at 7:15 pm
Marilyn: “Next time, why don’t you try to pick a more controversial topic”. Obviously nobody has anything to say about these topics. All I hear is crickets and silence. I love you dearly and I’m always glad to eat your ham
April 12th, 2010 at 7:18 pm
Thank you Nicki! I agree…what’s wrong with talking about sex? And I also agree with Sally when she says, we should start talking about it at a young age. Too many kids haven’t got a clue about sex and ignorance and hormonal youth make a dangerous combination.
Oh, and I think my husband is a lucky man too!
Tamara
April 12th, 2010 at 7:19 pm
Tami, it is often safer and more amusing to be on the sidelines of heated conversations. Just grab some popcorn.
April 12th, 2010 at 7:38 pm
Linsey, my bad. I meant two ways. Awake and asleep. Check out this Cosmo site http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/positions just for writing research of course! I’m actually a bit embarrassed and disappointed that there are written instructions and diagrams. It’s like you have to study to be sexy. Ya’ll know me. I don’t follow directions well.
April 12th, 2010 at 7:41 pm
Barbara! What a high compliment coming from you. Tell your niece the Petit Fours and Hot Tamales wish her much love, happiness, and romance. Some sex is okay, too!
April 12th, 2010 at 7:54 pm
Alissa, I couldn’t agree with you more about tolerance. “Somehow I don’t think Jesus would approve of those kinds of hateful threats.” Amen. Jesus would say, I love you even if you are a Samaritan or a prostitute, but kids don’t know about religion. They know what their mean humans say. I have some wickedly evil retorts for your son to say to those bullies! (Look up Deuteronomy 23:1 and tell me God doesn’t have a sense of humor) Have you read Anne Lamott? She came to religion late in life, but made this wonderful comment on Friday. It was something like “I don’t think my 5 closest friends are Christian. Actually, I don’t think my 5 closest friends are religious at all.” This from a woman sort of well known for her brutally honest commentaries on life and motherhood and religion. And she is very Christian, but it doesn’t matter to her. Religion is a personal thing. I’m glad you commented. You need to educate people on tolerance. And I hope you continue to be my friend even though I have religion (and eat meat, damn carnivores). I love you!
April 12th, 2010 at 8:02 pm
VJ, I miss you. Most insightful comment of the day! “Maybe people should talk about politics and religion during sex!!!” This is how I imagine it.
Me: “Financial crisis.”
What’s-his-name: “Healthcare reform. Unemployment rate.”
Me: “Capitalism. Give it to me.”
What’s-his-name: “Filibuster. Filibuster.”
Me: “Kyrgyzstan. Environmental Issues. Foreign Aid. Foreign Aid.”
What’s-his-name shouts: “[Insert name of your favorite deity here]”
That was pretty hot.
April 12th, 2010 at 8:06 pm
Sandy. Sex and love do not equal the same thing. Some times I want to shout that at people. Nevermind that sex is much improved with love. Not that I know about sex or anything.
Convictions are good, too. Very important. I have mine, but they don’t prevent me from being respectful or intellectually curious. I shall not be moved. Let’s here Johnny Cash sing it! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-mOG-QTwfk
April 12th, 2010 at 8:15 pm
JP, Georgia Center for the Book for all of your literary needs. She spoke on Friday night at First Baptist of Decatur and people where lined up an hour and a half early! http://www.georgiacenterforthebook.org/
Choose your sparing partners wisely when it comes to religion and politics. Never talk to your parents about sex. Actually, kids and teenagers should, because talking to you parents about sex is the most effective form of birth control. If you hear about your parents doing it, you will pretty much swear off of it forever. I can’t wait to talk to my monsters about it…in detail!
April 12th, 2010 at 8:18 pm
Ana, “Tolerance. Dialogue. Differences. Oh, and good sex.” Please print this on a t-shirt. You are my political twin, but shhh. Don’t tell anyone I said that!
April 12th, 2010 at 8:21 pm
Pam, I hope you are well. Get cooking with that “Love” recipe! “Because after all it’s the differences that makes human beings unique and wonderful.” True. Thanks for stopping by.
April 12th, 2010 at 8:33 pm
Tamara, Let’s talk about sex, baby! The media play up sex for fun, but no one mentions the emotional and psychological consequences of sex. Romance writers are dismissed as being “trashy”, but romance novels are the only books that attempt to delve into the complex issues of sex and love.
April 12th, 2010 at 8:45 pm
So, I got you all into this discussion without disclosing any of my secrets!
1) Politics. I have a political party and strong leanings, but I have voted for people representing different parties. I vote for good politicians and not just my par-tay. I don’t think there is a right or wrong. Our political beliefs, like religion, are based on our individual experience. Everyone should vote (except my friend who abstains from voting for religious reasons). If you don’t vote you don’t get to whine about it. And you should never whine about it either way. Complainers and hatemongers are not trying to do the world good.
2) Religion. Yay! I love God and church. I love people. God is love. Religion isn’t for the perfect, its for those of us looking for peace.
3) Sex. According to my doctor, I have had it before. There is no scientific proof to support this claim. My monsters grew from pixie dust. But let’s just say that I did have sex…I’m sure I’d like it better than ice cream.
The fact that I’m hesitant to disclose any further details says I’m not really comfortable talking about these subjects. This dialog shows that we are all dying to talk about sex, politics, and religion. I love it! I hope you meet someone who challenges you in a good way. Or gives you some loving that makes your spine tingle for the next week.
Don’t tell mom!
April 12th, 2010 at 9:39 pm
Nicki,
Beautiful. I love it. I can’t help but think about my Facebook page when I read it (especially after reeling at the thought of its 25-year old CEO pulling in $3 billion last year) – the grand venn diagram of life. I have friends from various times in my life that have such different political and religious views. At times posts will encourage lively debate among people who have never met but happen to know me from somewhere in a 20-year span. At other times I have painful reminders that not everyone feels the same way – like when a friend broke down in tears about how the changes in health care legislation will put her out of business and how she wants everyone to have affordable health care but struggles with reconciling that with her own unstable future. Moments like that remind me that such talk can be painful when didactic.
And then, there’s religion. It’s the reason I have an alter-ego FB account – because my own mother as well as her friends could not handle my own views about religion, social justice, and sexual orientations. For those among them who’ve found my real identity, I have them barred from reading posts on my wall just to avoid those confrontations about who I really am and who they think I should be having grown up in a devout Southern Baptist Church. And yet, from my theologian friends, (thank God I’m blessed with a bunch of those thanks to my association with St. John’s) I get to witness incredibly rich debates among a wide variety of believers and non-believers on a regular basis. It reminds me of the grand mystery of life and how no one has the right to claim full and authoritative understanding over it.
And then there’s the other part of your piece – the sex and love. I think about those in my friend list who I once loved – those former sweethearts who come with memories of heartbreaks, etc. Somehow we managed to end up “friends” in a social networking site with the pangs of heartache long gone. For some unknown reason, those are the ones most distant – the ones whose pages I look up the least. I’m not quite sure what that means – perhaps when love ends and turns into something else then it’s better left in the past.
Thanks for your post. It really conjured up all sorts of thoughts and emotions!
D
April 12th, 2010 at 9:46 pm
Politics: necessary evil best taken in moderation — like booze.
Religion: Isn’t it great we have so many ways to discover the peace and goodness of God?
Sex: 4 ways
Love: Infinite ways
Wow, what a great post and replies.
April 12th, 2010 at 10:05 pm
Politics and booze. Nice. Peace and goodness, even better. 4 ways is 3 ways too many. Infinite isn’t enough.
April 12th, 2010 at 10:15 pm
Make love not war.
It was good in the sixties and still works today. Which means we’re repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
April 12th, 2010 at 10:39 pm
Politics, religion, and sex: done selfishly create evil; done with compassion create good.
April 12th, 2010 at 11:03 pm
Interesting post Nicki!
Politics – I work for the govt and we don’t talk about politics at work. Well, we did once or twice and almost had a brouhaha so now we don’t. My sil and I can’t discuss politics as we are so far apart it isn’t funny. So, I discuss politics with my hubby. I like to hear his views on the subject. It is another way to be close.
Religion – I’m not anti-religion but I don’t believe any of them. I’ve told my son that he can choose to believe in any of the 4,200 recognized religions (there may be more but they are very small) and I hope he choses the right one, if there is one, but I don’t think there is. See why my view isn’t popular in the south?
Sex – I’ve had it and enjoyed it and I’m happy to write about some made up sex but I’m not telling anyone what goes on behind closed doors! I think physical contact is important to relationships and if that means holding hands or rubbing someone’s back while they’re shaving in the morning, then good for them!
April 13th, 2010 at 9:09 am
I think this is the first time someone has told me I should be more like a sports fan and I agreed. Great post!
April 13th, 2010 at 9:32 am
Connie, I agree. All we are saying is give peace a chance. The hard truth is that some people get joy out of anger and war and hatred. The rest of us must battle these meanies with humor, love, and peace. Oh, I think we should be sitting around a campfire. We will always repeat history. Humans love to experience drama. What’s a girl to do other than write about it?
April 13th, 2010 at 11:21 am
Donna B, I’m just sighing as I read your post. How does one decide between what’s right for you as an individual and what right for the masses. Oh, this question was best posed in Star Trek. “Logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.” But we aren’t Vulcans (though I wish we were). We are humans.
On religion, “It reminds me of the grand mystery of life and how no one has the right to claim full and authoritative understanding over it.” Woot! Or Amen! Depending on your denomination.
On sex, “Perhaps when love ends and turns into something else then it’s better left in the past”. I have no desire to reconnect with the past. I don’t harbor any ill-will, but I think I’m the kid of girl who doesn’t like to look back. All my longing is for the future not the past. DB, so many insightful thoughts, you are proof that the highly intelligent can also be deeply spiritual. Thank you.
April 13th, 2010 at 11:25 am
Marcus, well I’ve always thought of you as the most spiritually sound and curious and normal person I know. I hope my use of the word normal doesn’t offend you! May we do all things with compassion.
April 13th, 2010 at 11:34 am
Robin, glad you can discuss politics with your hubby. Tell you son to pick the right religion for him. The right one will make you a better person, not angry or fretful.
Yeah, about the sex…I happy to write or read about made up sex, but as for real life. Twin beds.
I love this: “Holding hands or rubbing someone’s back while they’re shaving in the morning”. As important as saying I love you. Thanks for stopping by!
April 13th, 2010 at 11:36 am
Mandy, you are awesome. I love Superbowl parties, because you hardly ever have 100% for the same team. There is so much joy and energy in the competition. Maybe politicians need uniforms, nachos, and beer. Thanks for stopping by.
April 14th, 2010 at 2:37 pm
Well stated, all the way round, Nicki. I appreciate what you had to say on all topics–and I think mom, whichever mom she is, would be proud of what you said, sex and all!
April 14th, 2010 at 8:07 pm
MZ, I’m lucky my mom is willing to discuss all of these topics. I argue with her about politics, but I think your view change in each life stage. I’m looking forward to metamorphosing a few times. I hope you have fun conversations on these subjects with your munchkin.