Linsey Lanier
Sally Kilpatrick
Sia Huff
Romily Bernard
Darcy Crowder
Marilyn Baron
Tami Brothers
Sandra Elzie
Carol Burnside
Debbie Kaufman
Maxine Davis
Tammy Schubert
Susan Carlisle
Pam Asberry
Lindy Chaffin StartHow Do You Write a Sex Scene When You’re Not In The Mood?
by J Perry Stone
I loathe grocery shopping or cooking when I’m full. I can’t stand primary colors after a visit to Chuck E. Cheese. I don’t even attempt exercising when tired, so what does a romance author, who intends to last in publishing, do about writing numerous sex scenes when she’s not in the mood?
I asked this question of NYT mega-author Christina Dodd last week. If you’ve ever read Dodd, you already know she writes some of the most sizzling scenes in the business. If you figure that every romance novel contains about 2.5 sex scenes, and Dodd releases approximately 4 books per year, she’s composing, polishing and editing TEN+ original sex scenes every year. Sex scenes are damned difficult to write. Attempting to write even one wipes me out for at least a week. I’m always reminded of Patrick Swayze’s character in GHOST after he jumps into Whoopi Goldberg’s body. The action exhausts him and he can barely vanquish the villain at the end.
So how does Dodd, who writes at least 10 scenes per year, do it? Does she wait for the “mood” to strike? I know she’s not a sex-addict (why can I hear Teresa Medeiros giggling right now? 
), and yet she can crank them out–and crank them out well!–and still maintain enough energy for a personal life, as well as a professional one in which she world-builds, character-develops and vanquishes fictitious villains, all at a heart-racing pace.
Here’s her answer:
Writing sex when I’m not in the mood is the mark of a true professional. <grin> Honestly, if I’m in the “mood,” I’ll write the scene out of order. Or I write the scene and I get in the “mood.” It’s sort of a win/win. Frankly, a lot of the time I’m not in the mood to write, but it’s my job. So I do it.
There you have it. And while Dodd jokes about being a “true professional,” I’m here to tell you her work ethic is among the most admirable out there. Such an example leads me to think that being a professional anything means not giving ourselves the luxury to wait for moods. True professionals affect their own moods. As she said, “…it’s my job. So I do it.”
Now if you’ll excuse me, I must write my own sex scene and while I’m not in the mood, I will be.
Christina Dodd’s paranormal, CHAINS OF ICE, releases on July 6. The only problem is I’m in the mood to read it right now.
What are your tricks for getting in the mood? And by “mood,” I might mean for cooking, painting, spelunking, writing, etc ….
Tags: Christina Dodd, J Perry Stone, writing sex scenes
About the author
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J Perry Stone | J Perry Stone has a big mouth and bigger heart; a short memory and shorter attention span. She's uncomfortable with pretension and formality, and couldn't live in this world without ethnic food, wine and saucy books.
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May 24th, 2010 at 6:53 am
Also, don’t forget to read Eloisa James’ take on the subject for specific tips on how to get in the “mood”:
http://petitfoursandhottamales.com/2009/05/we-welcome-ny-times-bestselling-author-the-fantastic-eloisa-james/
May 24th, 2010 at 7:15 am
Good Morning J,
I had to laugh when I read that if she isn’t in the mood she’ll GET in the mood when she writes the scene.
I don’t have to be “in the mood” to write a love scene…just alone and quiet so I can close my eyes while I type and just “feel” or “see” the moment that’s happening.
Unfortunately, hubby WISHES that’s all it took to “get me in the mood”. However, he graciously and sacrificially volunteered himself if I need to “test” a scene to see if it works in real life. (g)
Sandy
May 24th, 2010 at 7:18 am
Morning! I think sometimes the mood follows the decision! I’m not always in the mood to write, but once I make the decision and get started, the mood follows and I usually hate to be interrupted. Same principal works with “other” moments when the mood doesn’t come first, LOL!
May 24th, 2010 at 7:47 am
Sandy, that comment about how our biggest sex organ is our mind is no lie, eh?
And my husband says the SAME thing! Only mine says it in really screwed up English-trying-to-mimic-romance-speak, and I usually end up laughing instead of getting in the mood.
May 24th, 2010 at 7:49 am
Debbie, absolutely. I think it works for just about everything. It’s the focus that does it.
Focus on the tomatoes and tomatoes grow.
Focus on “other” things and maybe they grow
Sorry. Couldn’t resist.
May 24th, 2010 at 8:05 am
Laughing still, hold on a sec while I compose myself to write a comment…okay whew, I’m back.
These words of yours said it all, “being a professional anything means not giving ourselves the luxury to wait for moods. True professionals affect their own moods.” Excellent!
I think I’ve mentioned before that my hubby happens to be very adept at nightly extra-curricular activites, so getting in the mood is easy when he’s around. To me, writing sex scenes are easy. I even enjoy writing them.
But…that said, I have trouble finishing novels. So “getting in the mood” to write THE END isn’t as easy as conjuring images of sex in my head. (Wow, I’m making myself sound pretty wanton huh?)
So I need to take your advice and just do it…look at it as a job (the writing, not the sex)
Great advice!
Now in other respects, I hate cleaning bathrooms. I don’t work outside the home, so my job tends on the domestic. Bathrooms are my nemisis. So what I do to “get in the mood” for scrubbing toilets is I commercial clean. I Tivo really good shows, watch them and instead of fast forwarding through commercials I jump up clean the sink and when my show comes back on I sit down. Next commercial comes, I scrub toilet (wash hands with Brillo) and then plop down when the show returns. And so on.
It breaks up the tedium.
Great post JPerry.
Have a fabulous day!
Tamara
May 24th, 2010 at 8:09 am
Oh, I meant to comment on the photo. Love the reclining lady. Is that image painted on an old war plane?
T
May 24th, 2010 at 8:22 am
Christina Dodd’s advice is the same as Nora Roberts. If you are not in the mood, sit down and write anyway. That’s what professionals do, and it isn’t always fun.
So far I haven’t discovered mood triggers that work for me when it comes to writing. When I finally managed to plop my butt in a chair and write, I get into the mood. It’s the getting the butt into the chair that’s the struggle.
May 24th, 2010 at 8:25 am
As always, J, you have a knack for making us think outside our comfortable boxes…grin…
I am TERRIBLE with love scenes, which is why I decided to write a Blaze type book. I tend to try to find my weakest areas and work at honing those. Note here that I didn’t say I was good at them (yet), but if I keep working on it… I might eventually get published…hehehe.
To counter Tamrara’s comment about cleaning bathrooms, I would rather clean a bathroom than dust. I purposely don’t buy nick knacks because of that (no matter how cute they are – the less cracks and crevices to dust). I wonder what that says about me that I’d rather clean toilets than wield a Swiffer duster??? Any thoughts?
Tami
May 24th, 2010 at 8:59 am
I’ve never really thought much about writing sex scenes while not in the mood. For me, the challenge is carving out the time to write and then writing–if I can get a good rhythm going (no pun intended) then I write whatever organically comes next.
As for housework, I can’t get in the mood for that whether dusting or bathroom cleaning. My best bet is to turn on the party music channel and to dance my way around as I clean. But, Tami, I really hate those bathrooms far more than dusting although I avoid knick-knacks, too.
May 24th, 2010 at 9:00 am
Tamara, I’m completely with Tami. I HATE/ABHOR/DETEST dusting. Not even dusting gets me in the mood to dust.
The kids sneezing, however … that impels me to dust.
The picture is of an old airplane. How did you know?
As for the “The End” …
Oh, never mind. That’s too loaded a phrase for my mind not to go south
May 24th, 2010 at 9:02 am
Tammy, I’m with you (and Christina). Just doing a thing with repetition begins to program the brain.
Walking into my writing space and smelling its unique smells immediately gets my brain turning plots around.
Weird.
We are definitely creatures of habit.
May 24th, 2010 at 9:05 am
Tami, I used to think I was good at writing sex scenes, but then I read one out of the context of the book, and almost died from mortification, as well as from giant purple-prose pock marks.
Oy.
I’ve had to seriously ratchet things down.
You’re probably great at them, especially since you have the one thing I’m lacking: subtlety.
May 24th, 2010 at 9:11 am
Sally, don’t you ever have anxiety over, “Oh hell. Today I have to write such-and-such a scene”–be it action, black moment or what have you?
If I know I have to get through the sex scene (I’m a plotter, so I always know what’s coming next), I sometimes kvetch around in anticipation of it.
May 24th, 2010 at 11:09 am
If I’ve done what I need to the sex scene isn’t too hard to write. It just falls into place. It does take me a long time to write one, and then still needs to be looked at for action/reaction and emotion. I’m a better writer for writing them in the end. I hate to clean bathrooms. In fact I’ve learned to clean mine before I get in the bath and then clean the tub after taking a shower. When my husband cleans the bathroom it is a sure thing he’ll get a reward. Writing that next sex scene is earier then.
May 24th, 2010 at 11:45 am
Oh Tami, I’ve got your answer!
“I wonder what that says about me that I’d rather clean toilets than wield a Swiffer duster???”
You have such a tender heart that you can’t stand the thought of dashing all those cute little dust bunnies to oblivion. Am I right or am I right?
Sandy
May 24th, 2010 at 11:56 am
Too funny, Sandy! Right on. That is totally it. Unlike Debbie, who enjoys killing off some the characters in her books…grin… (love ya Debbie!).
I also got a kick out of Susan’s answer. “When my husband cleans the bathroom it is a sure thing he’ll get a reward. Writing that next sex scene is earier then.” Maybe I should send that comment to my hubby….
Hi JP! Not so good at them yet. In fact, that subtlety gets in the way. I’m working on it, though!
May 24th, 2010 at 12:04 pm
Under this post, my WIP is open and languishing because it’s a scene I can’t get right.I’m hoping some of the creative juice leaks out of this page onto the page below and something good grows — but fast. I’m not waiting nine months for that scene to mature.
May 24th, 2010 at 12:27 pm
J–I’m more of the write it then go back and fix it if necessary school of thought. I don’t fret about upcoming scenes–plotter here, too–but I have been known to cut 25 pages and start over from that point because I didn’t like what I wrote.
May 24th, 2010 at 12:50 pm
LOL, Susan.
And I’m never in the mood to clean bathrooms either, but I think every man should know that the most romantic thing you can do for your woman is the house work she likes the least.
Mine should dust.
And do laundry.
May 24th, 2010 at 12:51 pm
Sandy, I’m stealing that excuse. It’s the only one I’ve ever heard that excuses slovenliness with inherent compassion.
Classic.
May 24th, 2010 at 12:55 pm
Anna, only you could make all those innuendos about writing.
I think the trick is to let some things lie flaccid until you have a stroke of inspiration.
(This is gonna get ugly)
May 24th, 2010 at 1:04 pm
Tami, I just don’t believe you especially since I KNOW subtlety is a very sexy thing in writing.
I liken it to the nude beach/regular beach comparison.
On the nude beach, there’s no real mystery (and sometimes, no access to blindfolds) as everyone’s dangly bits are out there. I feel like an amateur OBGYN/urologist and this is a very unsexy perspective, imo.
On the regular beach, however, you see some skin, but no danglers. Granted, a dangler may pop out now and again, but that just makes the experience all the more exciting.
I should stop now, yes?
May 24th, 2010 at 1:05 pm
I slash too, Sally. Have to, especially since that one sex scene I was referring to belonged in a cheesy baroque brothel.
It was just too TOO.
May 24th, 2010 at 1:25 pm
JP
Loved the post.
After writing one particularly trying sex scene, I decided to just write Inspirational. That didn’t work either so I’m back to the pain of putting it in print.
Love the picture. Yep, it’s WWII Bomber Nose Art. Loved those pictures because the women (model or imagination) were not the super thin models of today. (Naturally, I would take that side.)
May 24th, 2010 at 1:39 pm
I thought it was funny when you said you loathe shopping when you’re full and exercising when you’re tired.
Well I hate to shop (for groceries) full or not and I hate exercising, whether or not I’m tired. I HATE cleaning bathrooms and all housework. Therefore, writing is more appealing than all of those so it’s easier for me to write than contemplate doing anything else.
Marilyn
May 24th, 2010 at 1:54 pm
I tend to write scenes out of order, so often I will write a sex scene when inspired and insert it into the ms when I reach the appropriate spot. (Yes, J, this MAY get ugly. o.0) This is not saying I am any good at them, mind you; since to me sex is not a spectator sport, I have a hard time visualizing it objectively enough to write it well.
Hollywood costume designer Bill Theiss used to say that what made a costume sexy was not what was revealed but what MIGHT BE revealed. A firmly-anchored bikini is not as sexy as a full swimsuit that looks as if it’s going to slip at any moment. This also goes for all the vulnerabilities and raw emotions that tend to slip out during intimate moments as well.
Maxine, Marilyn Monroe was a size 14, and is still a classic today. If only people could view the rest of us that way…
May 24th, 2010 at 2:01 pm
Yes, it’s going to require the stroke of genius. If I let that old scene lay flaccid, it’ll never stand up to anyone’s scrutiny. The only solution is to take matters into one’s own hands and find the solution at the tip of one’s tongue.
May 24th, 2010 at 5:51 pm
I wish I was a linear writer and could write sex scenes or any scenes as they were meant to occur but, alas, I am not. In the case of writing sex scenes, I think this works in my favor. I do find that if I carve out the time to write them, they tend to flow better. I get in the mood by placing myself there as if I were about to stage my own seduction.
Lol, I’ll never be able to tell my dh this as he would readily volunteer to help me ‘research’ it all. Sigh. Wish he were that helpful when the doorbell battery has to be replaced.
May 24th, 2010 at 6:04 pm
Once one scene comes to mind, I go ahead and write all of the sex scenes. It is torturous even when I’m “in the mood” because I find it so hysterically funny, even in my more most serious books. The word “n-i-p-p-l-e” is the funniest word in the English language. I guess I should try writing comedy one day…
I realized that the sex scenes in my women’s fiction are very easy to write. They are usually about something other than sex. Loss of innocence, redemption, curiosity. Sex + love is so much harder to articulate. But I adore those authors who write those wonderful scenes that are believable and get you in the mood!
May 24th, 2010 at 6:36 pm
When I first decided I wanted to write an entire book, I first made myself write a love scene. To my way of thinking, that was the hardest thing in a love story, yet could make or break it, so if I could get through that test, maybe someday, I could write something good enough for someone to buy. Obviously, I made it through the scene and am still writing. Some of my shorter works have actually been published, so I guess I’m not terrible at it.
May 24th, 2010 at 7:33 pm
Anna S, I cannot comment on your comment except to say that I heart you.
Carol, I just started a new WIP, maybe I’ll try to write the sex scene first. From what I hear you are rather good at it!
May 24th, 2010 at 7:41 pm
Maxine, sometimes the pain is worth it. Don’t they call a particular function a “pleasure-pain”?
In any case, I prefer that body type to the waif bag-o’-bones any day. I have wishful preferences.
May 24th, 2010 at 7:42 pm
Marilyn, I hate to shop for groceries any time as well; I loathe it particularly when full.
And you know, you bring up a good point about the cleaning etc.
Writing is the treat in my day.
May 24th, 2010 at 7:45 pm
I’m giggling, EC. And I’m trying not to let it get ugly.
You also said, “Hollywood costume designer Bill Theiss used to say that what made a costume sexy was not what was revealed but what MIGHT BE revealed.”
I could write a whole blog on that alone. Wonderful.
And you nailed it (snerk). It is what MIGHT BE that is the most titillating (hah).
May 24th, 2010 at 7:51 pm
Anna, I bow to your abilities and after one beer, am too blitzed to follow suit.
May 24th, 2010 at 7:54 pm
San, you are so singing to the similar-minded choir.
And you actually are lucky you don’t write your scenes in order because the “how do you do it if you’re not in the mood” problem doesn’t apply to you.
Now where are my pages? I gotta find out what she does to him after she kidnaps him.
May 24th, 2010 at 7:58 pm
Nicki, you marathon sex write? That’s madness. And exhausting.
Agreed on “nipple.” I’m not too fond of “bud,” or “member.”
You need to get together with Anna and me. We want to start a new genre called, “eroticom,” because, as you said, sometimes there’s nothing funnier than sex.
May 24th, 2010 at 8:01 pm
Carol, the fact that you put yourself through that torture leads me to believe that you’re a “true professional.”
That’s like cooking for a dinner 20-guest party before wondering if your cut out for the kitchen.
I’m impressed. VERY impressed.
May 24th, 2010 at 8:02 pm
Oooo, and since Nicki just said that, do you need a beta-reader, Carol???
May 24th, 2010 at 8:29 pm
Great article and great timing. I just finished writing my first sex scene yesterday–yes, I know I probably should be shamed for writing hot sex scenes on Sunday mornings
.
Just let me tell you, I have been dreading this moment for 2 years (which is exactly how long I’ve been writing). I’ve been putting it off and putting it off, but I had ot just buck up and do, and I did.
May 24th, 2010 at 8:37 pm
Sex scenes get easier with each one you write. The characters themselves help me write the scene, so I cannot imagine trying to write one out of sequence. Once I have the characters/setting right, I begin to build the sex scene. The actual “action” of the scene comes first. Need to make sure that Tab A goes into Slot A et cetera, et cetera, without breaking something. Next, I add in some dialogue…stuff like “Ah…Ah…Now…Oh…Oh…” Then the internal dialogue.
A quick cigarette and I’m done.
Whew.
May 24th, 2010 at 9:16 pm
Anna Doll, you are too funny!
May 25th, 2010 at 8:20 am
It’s hard, isn’t it, LaTessa? To be honest with you, I stress more over the sex scenes than the opening scenes.
I’m glad you got through it, even on Sunday
Now you are no longer a romance author virgin.
May 25th, 2010 at 8:21 am
Anna, *I* need a cigarette.
But you make it sound so simple. I try to do everything in sequence: internal dialogue, action, external dialogue.
If I layered it like you do, I might have a better go of it.
May 25th, 2010 at 1:56 pm
I can only lay claim to one sex scene. So far, I’ve managed to avoid others. Perhaps that’s why I only flirt with the idea of writing historical – I know I’d have to stop the teasing and put up.
May 25th, 2010 at 2:35 pm
Ha, Darcy, I didn’t not expect that last from you.
May 25th, 2010 at 10:22 pm
Interesting question, JP. I find if I’ve set things up right, I’m ready to write the sex scene. After all, it’s what one’s aiming for when writing romance. Properly done a sex scene is an integral part of the story and part of a natural narrative progression. Having said that, love scenes do present a technical challenge. I find it hard to maintain the emotional power while worrying about where he’s putting his hands and whether she can make her leg do *that*. As with anything difficult, it’s best to be rested and without distraction!
May 26th, 2010 at 9:33 am
Miranda! Lovely to see you here.
Lol on whether her leg can do *that* or not. It’s true. Sometimes the limbs present problems.
Perhaps my problem is that I’m thinking of the scene out of context, as opposed to how you do it–as part of the natural narrative progression.
Btw, I have several friends who said you “progressed” rather wonderfully in THE WILD MARQUIS. It’s on my glom-list.
May 26th, 2010 at 11:14 pm
Thank you! I was just taking a much needed break from a critiq.marathon and stopped by. What a breath of fresh air you guys are! Funny Funny stuff.
Me? Hate dusting, don’t mind dust. Just thinking of cleaning house sends my to my writing chair.
May 26th, 2010 at 11:55 pm
Thank you! That’s wonderful to hear. Hope to see you in Orlando.
May 27th, 2010 at 9:20 am
Kathy, I’m so glad you stopped by.
TOTALLY agree on the dusting. I’d even rather go to my annual OB appointment.
What do you write?
May 27th, 2010 at 1:19 pm
Won’t be going to Orlando, Miranda. My parents are celebrating their 45th anniversary at that time and I’m the cook.
Have a wonderful time. I would have dropped by your table at the Lit Signing.
May 28th, 2010 at 2:10 pm
Terrific post, JP. I read it earlier, but am just now commenting.
Sex scenes are hard for me write, but I have to remind myself they’re just like any other scene. They have to have the same elements. Goals, beginning, middle, end, etc. A glass of wine is also helpful.
If all else fails, close your eyes and think of England.
May 29th, 2010 at 12:39 pm
Great advice on the wine and England, Linnea. I should tell my husband that