Linsey Lanier
Sally Kilpatrick
Sia Huff
Romily Bernard
Darcy Crowder
Marilyn Baron
Tami Brothers
Sandra Elzie
Carol Burnside
Debbie Kaufman
Maxine Davis
Tammy Schubert
Susan Carlisle
Pam Asberry
Lindy Chaffin StartTwo Weddings And A Conference
I could have easily titled this Kill Me, Kill Me Now – but weddings are a cause for celebration, right?
Definitely. And one might say that two weddings are double the celebration.
Especially when one is your son’s wedding.
Especially when one is your daughter’s wedding.
Especially when they are only one month apart.
You heard correctly. Both of my children are getting married next year, one month apart. And right in the middle of all of that is RWA’s national conference in New York. The conference I’ve been saving and planning for for the past year.
Lest you think this is of little consequence at the moment, that after all, this is a year down the road, think again. Just this past month, while preparing for and attending this year’s RWA conference in Orlando, we were caught up in the whirlwind of locating, negotiating and booking wedding venues and caterers because dates for next year were already being claimed. Any one who has ever planned a wedding or attended a writer’s conference can feel my pain. Doubled.
Now that the dates and places have been decided on, we can all take a breath. I’m of a mind to think of these past weeks as a prelude to the joys awaiting us next year as we begin the count down.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m extremely excited for my kids, and very happy to welcome two lovely young adults into our small, close-knit family. With most of the difficult, time sensitive decisions behind us, we should be able to enjoy the rest of the planning spread out over the next few months. But did I fail to mention that both my son and soon-to-be-son-in-law are starting their own business? Chaos is not just a theory in my house, it’s a fact.
And so, at any given time of day I may be asked to “look at this…” or “can you…” or “what do you think about…” or the ever popular “guess what!”. My home feels like LAX and I’m the only air-traffic controller.
Let’s not forget, I’m supposed to be writing. Every day.
It’s more important now than ever before that I maintain focus. I have goals for next year, and next year will be here before I can blink. So I’ve started locking myself in my room. Taking off to the nearest Starbucks to lose myself in the white noise of other people’s lives. Learning to react quickly to those unexpected window’s of opportunity when the house is blessedly empty and I can run to my computer and lose myself in creativity. I take a notebook with me wherever I go (not just outside the house, but room to room) in case something hits and I have to write it down immediately before it slips away.
I realize I’m not the only writer/mom/wife that is facing down a hectic time in her life. What’s that old saying? It never rains but it pours? Murphy is working overtime around here. So what’s your advice? How do you keep your focus in the face of life’s dramas, the good and the bad? Any suggestions? Do’s or don’ts? Let me grab my notebook.
About the author
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Darcy Crowder | Darcy Crowder is a PRO member of Romance Writers of America, and has served on the board of Georgia Romance Writers, where she continues to be an active member. She is lucky enough to live in a log cabin in the woods, surrounded by family, nature, and endless inspiration for her novels.
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August 13th, 2010 at 5:36 am
Good grief, Darcy. I love that your house is “like LAX and you’re the only traffic controller.”
Smart woman to look at a year from now coming quicker than most would expect and getting rolling on your work now. And to carry a notebook. I believe in that all that time.
Congrats on all the new family members and chaos that is good chaos. Good luck surviving it all. I bet you come out of this with a story.
August 13th, 2010 at 7:32 am
Great post, Darcy
I hear you on the notebook and grabbing spare time to write or scribble ideas down. I’ve always been a big purse kind of gal, but they fit 5*7 notebooks easily!
I like the white noise of cafes or coffeehouses too!
Elaine
August 13th, 2010 at 7:48 am
Wow! That’s great news but I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to plan two weddings at once. One of my friends is planning a wedding for her son and it’s turning into a full-time job. It’s not just the location, but the photographer, the DJ or band, the invitations, the showers, etc. multiplied by 2.
My advice is, make a book out of it. You can take notes about what you’re doing along the way and use that as research.
Marilyn
August 13th, 2010 at 8:28 am
Wow, talk about having your hands full! Here’s a piece of wedding advice from my daughter. If you don’t have a planner, get one. If nothing else, have someone to coordinate everything on the big day itself, a conductor of events, at least. Caroline says that the hardest weddings for the bride (and the photographer) are the ones where no one is just the person in charge that day. It’s very stressful for the brides and family. Oh, and the least stressed brides and grooms are the ones who’ve decided to see each other earlier in the day.
Girl, just keep writing and planning. Notebooks, Alphasmarts, whatever works. Hang in there cause next it will be grandchildren, LOL!
August 13th, 2010 at 9:29 am
Oh, Darcy! This is fabulous news! I am so excited for you and the two lucky kids. They are still kids, right? After all, if they aren’t then that means I’m getting older. Yikes!
I have no advice because I can’t even fathom the situation. You are a pillar of strength and I know you will come away from this with a fabulous outlook on it.
I’m planning for New York, myself. I was starting to stress about all the goals I’ve set for myself for that time, but now that I’ve read your post I think I’m doing great…grin… I certainly don’t have all that stress that you have to worry about…hehehehe…
Please pass on my congrats to the happy couples. (seriously, they are still kids, right?)
Tami
August 13th, 2010 at 9:50 am
Hi Dianna! LOL. LAX is right, some days there’s constant coming and going…really makes those quiet days a treasure.
And that notebook is the only thing keeping me sane.
August 13th, 2010 at 9:56 am
Oh Darcy, I feel for you…in a good way. Never had two of them at once, but had one prima dona who wanted the Princess dream wedding. I visited hotels, restaurants, convention centers and then she realized she could use the officer’s club where he was stationed and that solved that one issue.
Lists. Tons and tons of lists kept me sane. By-the month list (what deposits had to be made by what month before the event, etc) Monthly lists, and then weekly lists when it got down closer to the event.
If you’re going to have a dress for the mother of the bride order or made, be sure to allow several months for that.
I agree with Debbie on a go-to person on the day of the wedding. We didn’t do that and everyone came to me. Ugh.
Also, it’s nice to have a photographer who will show up at all the different pre events to take professional pictures. It adds so much to their albums and relieves the parents from feeling they have to take a ton of pictures or, heaven forbid, missing some fantastic photo opportunities because no one has a camera handy.
Enjoy every minute of it since it’ll, hopefully, only happen once for each of them and smile.
Congrats,
Sandy
August 13th, 2010 at 9:56 am
Hi Elaine. I couldn’t make it without Starbucks.
I’m the type that would rather not carry a purse at all. That said, over the last few years I’ve taken to carrying totes with plenty of room for books, notebooks and my Dana – another couldn’t live without item.
August 13th, 2010 at 10:02 am
Hi Marilyn. Thankfully I only have one bride to worry about (read pay for
) but both girls are super organized and know what they want – which helps. I may just end up putting some of this in a story one day….
August 13th, 2010 at 10:05 am
Darcy,
I just make a plan for each day and put one foot in front of the other and you’ll be surprised how fast it goes by. Keep doing something for yourself every day. If you don’t you will start to feel resentful of all the time you are giving to others. Most of all take the opportunity to enjoy this time in your children’s lives.
August 13th, 2010 at 10:10 am
Oh, Debbie, thanks for the heads up about having one person in charge. You are so right. It does appear that both wedding reception venues come with someone kind of running the show, so that should help. And yes, we are really looking forward to grandchildren, just not too soon! These kids have so much going on, they need time, for everything. My DIL will have to finish dental school first.
August 13th, 2010 at 10:15 am
Tami! Who’s calling who a pillar of strength?? LOL. You run circles around me with everything you get done in a day. And yes, they are just kids – barely out of diapers! LOL. Where did the time go?
August 13th, 2010 at 10:20 am
Hi Sandy. Way ahead of you on those lists. I can’t live without them.
Brenna, being the romance writer she is, wants that perfect, princess wedding. Thank goodness her future MIL makes wedding cakes, and two of the grooms bestfriends are DJ’s! Every little bit helps. 
August 13th, 2010 at 10:28 am
I agree with you, Susan, about the time flying by. And lately, every time I get the house to myself I’m hit with a bit of meloncholy about how fast they’ve grown up and how empty this place will be when they’re gone. Such a catch-22. I’m craving time alone to work in peace, but knowing all the while I’ll miss the noise and commotion. But I can console myself with the fact they aren’t moving away, just out of the house.
All the families are close and they want to live in the area – not to mention that new business venture.
August 13th, 2010 at 10:43 am
While you’ve got that notebook with you, jot down the happy things that occur too. Because in a few months the frenetic activity will make those moments fade in your memory and you’ll need a reminder that all this–the plans, the crying jags, the frantic phone calls, the too-short moments stolen away at the computer are all for romance: living it, loving it, writing it. Hugs, girlfriend.
August 13th, 2010 at 10:53 am
Hey, Carol! Happy Birthday!!
You are so right. Thanks for the reminder not to just make To Do Lists or jot notes about my wip, but to record these memories. This is the stuff love is all about.
Miss you.
August 13th, 2010 at 12:48 pm
Terrific, funny post, Darcy. That says it all, no matter what the cause of the chaos. But I feel for you. My congrats to your kids as well. I wish them both a happy wedded life.
I liked that, too “My home feels like LAX and I’m the only air-traffic controller.” and “Taking off to the nearest Starbucks to lose myself in the white noise of other people’s lives.”
The only advise I have is to write legibly in those notebooks. I scribble things down all the time, only to spend wasted minutes trying to decipher my writing, even resorting to a magnifying glass at times, LOL. Sometimes, thoughts just get lost. My theory is they’ll turn up again sometime. Looks like you’ll have fodder for a lot of stories.
August 13th, 2010 at 1:30 pm
Thanks, Linsey. It is a good kind of chaos, lots of excitement and change in the air. It’s especially easy to get caught up in it every day and let those writing hours slip by.
August 13th, 2010 at 3:11 pm
Look on the upside… this time next year…all the time is yours! In the meantime, get up earlier than you normally do and grab those quiet moments. Teach your brain by setting a routine that is consistent and you’ll produce more writing than you ever imagined… LOL, at least that’s what I’m going to try. An hour of quality is better than ten hours of scattered mental gymnastics…. hugs. Hang in there and write despite!!
August 13th, 2010 at 4:27 pm
Hi Jean! I love that – write despite – very cute. Today was a gift of time, so I’ve been catching up on all sorts of things…including writing.
August 13th, 2010 at 6:23 pm
Wow, Darcy! Congratulations on everything! I would love to give out advice on maintaining focus, but, alas, that is not one of my strong points.
I’m with Susan. I wouldn’t make it without my planner although I’m learning to use the calendar in my iPhone–I may convert at some point from paper to phone.
August 13th, 2010 at 7:43 pm
Thanks, Sally. Yeah, I live by my calendar and nightly to do lists. No phone scheduling for me – I have to be able to hold that pencil in my hand.